About Belief Blog

Catching Up and Moving On November 17, 2011

A great deal has occurred since writing my last blog. My husband lost his battle against a very aggressive form of colon cancer and died, peacefully, on May 26, 2011. He had been able to maintain a very positive and pro active attitude right up to the end. Two days before he died, he had enjoyed a very busy day of visits from our children and other relatives. He had laughed a joked with us and even watched the first period of the hockey game with the kids before sending them off to dinner. The next morning he was unresponsive and the morning after he was gone.
Five months have passed since he died and I am learning to live without him. Initially I was so busy. I had a house move to organize. We had been preparing for the move; had found a new place closer to town – closer to the Cancer Agency and to Hospice – and now I was moving in to it by myself. For the first two months it felt like I was house sitting for someone who had all the same furniture as me.
Then there was all the paperwork and details to contend with. Cremation, wills, insurance forms and death benefit applications. Funeral directors, lawyers, bankers and financial consultants. I was and am very fortunate that I have excellent resources and wonderfully supportive friends and family. Everyone was so incredibly kind and understanding. Even my dentist and hygienist who consoled me when, during my dental examination, I started to cry because one of my husband’s favourite songs started to play on their radio.
Then came time to ‘go through’ things. Sending clothing off to the Salvation Army, donating tools to the automotive shop at the high school, encouraging the kids to take mementos and pictures and all the things their Dad wanted them to have to remember him by. None of it easy. All of it necessary.
To go forward I have developed a strategy for moving through my bereavement. I call it the 3Be’s.
1) Be Mindful:
To think about what I am thinking about. Does it help or hinder my forward movement?
2) Be Present
This is not about anyone else – it’s about how I live MY life – today and every day. What is working now and what needs to change going forward?
3) Be Strategic
Where I am and where I want to be. What can I do – every day- to move forward to my new life.

This process has been very helpful. Yes, I do miss my husband. I miss him every day and I think about him all the time. I’m just starting to think about him with less sadness . I can go for days without crying. I can contemplate my future without fear. Who will I be as I evolve? Not a widow but a woman. Not an object for compassion but a force to be reckoned with. Don’t misunderstand me. I loved being the caterpillar I was but now that this option is no longer available to me I am learning to love the idea of the butterfly I must become. Let the metamorphosis begin!